An open letter to Man I Thought I Knew
Since I'll never have, nor will I attempt to create, the opportunity to actually speak with you again, I've decided to let it all out in this letter. Even if we were to speak, you probably wouldn't hear me, or "get it" anyways. You're too busy justifying your wrongs to be able to understand just how deeply this entire situation has been hurting me. This past week was just the climax of it all.
I really liked talking to you regularly, even when you were speaking gibberish because you were so tired! I loved all the goofy things you'd say to make me laugh. I loved everything that went on in the bedroom. I liked the fact that I though you listened to me and undestood me. Maybe you did just a bit too well...
But all the little lies and discrepancies hurt me, and they also contradicted who you claimed to be, which was an honest individual that hated lies and liars. Feeling like you were ashamed of me after nearly two years hurt. Never making me feel like I was important to you for anything other than sex hurt. Every time I asked you why you wanted me and you couldn't formulate a response, or the response that was given was entirely self-centered, hurt. Taking your ex out instead of me hurts. Wondering why it neither rarely nor automatically occured to you to want to do things that would enrich our relationship hurt. Rarely making time for me hurt. Ignoring my calls and texts on the weekends, or only speaking when it was convenient for you, hurt. The fact that instead of telling me you wanted to get back with your ex, I had to find out for myself hurts the worst. Had to find out because you answered her phone in the middle of the night because you were right there beside her in bed... The fact that you never even tried to apologize for that hurts tremendously! Shows just how sorry you weren't and just how cold hearted you can be. I'm sure you had your reasons, for all of this, the biggest reason of all being that you're lying, cheating ass was living a double life. It just hurts that at the very least I though I could trust you, just to find out that I couldn't, and probably never should have.
I sometimes wish I was the one that you cared about, but for whatever reason I'm not, and I accept that. I don't wish to interfere with your life or cause problems for you and your family in any way. I don't hate you, but I do know that I deserve far better than you. You have no idea, or perhaps you do, the magnitude of emotional devastation I'm going through right now, but as with every other obstacle I've ever encountered, I will get through this one, too. You were right in your negative descriptions of yourself, namely when you described yourself as an asshole. My bad for not listening and taking action sooner. The character deficiencies you've displayed doesn't even warrant you worthy of my friendship at this time.
No one's perfect, not even me, and that's why I refuse to hate you or harbor any animosity towards you. I wish you the best, and I could only hope that you never hurt anyone else the way you've hurt me.
The Best Woman You Could've Ever Hoped For...